I guess this post has been pending for a while. For those of you whom think I am a constant romantic then, yeah you’re right. For those of you that think it’s because of teenage girl hormones, than you’re wrong. I am the way I am because I have actually never seen romance. I am put off by this idea of love and marriage. Marriage used to be important to me. Now it’s about as important as the stupid, worn out pair of jeans I haven’t worn in 2 years.
Seeing a relationship with no love, with no actual mutual respect has cheesed me off for the past 5 years. Seeing someone you [used to] admire treat someone else like dirt and then have the nerve to blame it on you, has convinced me that marriage between two persons that actually love each other will be very hard to accomplish.
We studied self-fulfilling prophecy in Sociology AS [Ugh- driest subject ever!] and I realised something. The marriage I saw breaking down in front of me is what I felt to be the prophecy of my own future marriage. It’s not crystal ball magic. It’s just the way I feel. In south-Asian families I know well, I can scarcely find a successful husband wife relationship. This scares me a lot, as I fear to also turn out this way.. *shudders*.
Instead of dreaming about marriage I have resorted to developing obsessional, ‘lovey-dovey’ crushes on high profile celebrities and imaginary dreamy guys. The chance of meeting either of these people- zilch. But I have these crushes to console me. I’d rather fall in love with an imaginary man whom is totally awesome instead of meeting a fail of a prospective husband whom most likely won’t love me anyway.
At last I feel frigging diagnosed.