How can life be so confusing? All at once we’re faced with countless decisions, opportunities, reminders of lost opportunities. When we want to move on, we’re shackled at the ankles by the weight of our thoughts. Our guilt trailing behind us like an invisible footprint. Why are the people we love so far away from us? When we need them they’re across an ocean, in their room, sleeping, or eating. Studying or working. Separated by a block of land. What if we never see them with our eyes or let our fingers rest on their cheek? What if the only things remaining are melancholy farewells, and memories?
But here’s what I want. I want not their memory, I want them. I want to make a difference being there, and I want to hold them in embrace. I don’t want their stinking memory. Memories just mean you remember them. In every breath they’re there. In that song, they’re there. In spontaneous moments, they reappear. Hanging dumbbells of emotion on your heart like they have a lifetime gym membership dedicated to the sole purpose of treating you like that sad and sorry treadmill that’s been trampled on.
Sooner or later you become that treadmill. Until the very day you realise your spirit is not full of your dreams or aspirations. But instead, full of them.
You are a walking self reminder to their existence. And it hurts.