Vice

I don’t think I have many vices to be honest. I am a fairly nice person. I do a lot for the people I care about. I’m not half-assed about it either. When I feel, I go all the way. I think that’s the problem. I get so invested in others that I don’t think about myself. There are a few times in my life that I’ve had to forcefully think about myself. I had to put everyone else to one side because if I didn’t focus on my own survival, I wouldn’t have recovered. In the process of that, I have been careless towards others. Almost brutal. But the situation was equally as brutal. When you go through trauma, there is no ideal way of getting over it. You just do what you have to do to make it through to the end of the day. You find a way to not cry yourself to sleep every night. You find ways to focus on your recovery. And you find ways to rebuild your strength. That’s hard to do when you’re so close to the problem. So you distance yourself from that entity. That thing that was the source of problems. You take it away and try to start fresh. A clean slate. Tabula rasa. I think that’s the only surefire way of moving on from the trauma. ‘Cause how can you forgive and forget when you are faced with the problem every day. It doesn’t work. And then one day – it may take a few months or a few years – you will have accepted it. The anger will have left you. You will be weakened but you would have forgiven the trauma. You would have come to terms with it. You would have accepted that it happened and you won’t blame anyone anymore. I promise you, that day will come, so hold out. All these vices that you gained in the meantime – the anger, and frustration, and immense hatred within you – they will seep out of your mind and you will see yourself from the inside, looking outside. You will see your vices. You will hate what you were for that period of time, but you will understand, that to get rid of your vices forever, you became a breeding ground for them. You did it for the long haul. And I’m so proud of you.

This is a reply to Vice.

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