I guess I just needed some time to come to terms with things; with how things were, and how they are now in comparison. I am feeling okay for the first time after a rocky period. Things are going well, to be honest. But how many times have I said that? Many. I have said that many times. The truth is I will always say that. I crumbled, you see? But now I feel okay again. I tend to crumble a lot but I always get better. I do this by myself. I can say that I have discovered (not recently) that my happiness does come from me all the time. I legit make myself feel better. This isn’t an ecstatic realisation of truth, it is just something I know and I like. I like that I only have myself to rely on. I like that people around me will screw me over and I can turn around like this and say a big old “Fuck you” to them and legitimately feel: Why were they in my life in the first place? I’m not even angry. I’m glad. Comfortable. Content. That I have a clear goal in my life again to just live in the moment and most importantly: for me. I can live for me. For me. Like, shit. Yeah, I do get down days now but this past week, every time I’ve been down, it was because of me. Because of me not being productive enough. Or social enough. Or organised enough. Me. To have my problems come from me is huge. You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to have this feeling. Okay, that’s it. Today’s post. I really should have related it more to this prompt, though. I have established my base…? That’s all I got.
Peace and love, Aroosa x