Yesterday I wasn’t so calm. It was a very emotional and very hurtful day. Not because anyone did anything wrong. I usually look for people to blame but yesterday I tried something new, very begrudgingly. I blamed no-one. Someone close to me gave me a revolutionary idea that they actually have been saying for as long as I have known them. They have told me to not blame anyone. Which I always scoffed at because, well, I am a blamer. I like to point blame and explicitly know what went wrong and trail back to the source. I always have been like this as long as I can remember. It’s a way to regain control and feel better about a situation. Something went wrong? No worries, just find who’s responsible. Easy.
Wrong. I just feel like I like to be in denial of the fact that there sometimes is no one to blame. Not even yourself. It will take me a while to fully master this technique of not blaming, and just accepting life as it is. But I feel that yesterday was an important step to doing this. Being faced with a choice that was absolutely necessary and deciding that although it is an incredibly painful decision, it needs to be done with minimal casualties. Minimal casualties; so that the healing process is quicker. And no one can get hurt any more. Because that is what I truly want.
So from now on, my priority will be remaining calm. Sure, it will be tough, but it’s worth it in the long-run, if it means a healthier, happier set of people. I probably wouldn’t ever be able to do this decision, if I didn’t truly care about the person. So perhaps this is the cliché perspective of how love does heal. Maybe not in the obvious romantic way. But in the way that love drives the right decision.