I’m sitting in bed, cushioned and cosy, in my gown and wondering ‘What on earth is going on?‘. Lately it’s been a confusing time. Full of heartbreak and stress and misery. This year especially, has been tough. And it seemed to get progressively tougher as the months have been passing by. I don’t really know where I’m going with this blog post. It’s a pile of word-vomit I am spewing out before I collapse on my pillow; it’s been a draining and lagging day. I’ll make this short, maybe.
The last few months have been hard and I feel like I have been put through the wringer for an extreme emotional-rollercoaster reality game show that the universe is holding. In this hypothetical show, there are a number of different contestants around the world and they – and by ‘they’, I mean aliens – subject them to various degrees of emotional suffering and mental exhaustion for pure entertainment. This feels like that alien show. I am a contestant. There is also a spin-off game show whereby the alien producers of this alien show have created voodoo dolls for each contestant and hit them with a mallet whenever they feel like it, which implements a mental breakdown of sorts. Brilliant.
On the flip-side, I feel like I have made this show terribly interesting. Because for some reason, at one of the final rounds – I mean, I hope – the intense grief has transcended me into some Buddhist mental state where I have accepted that to handle the grief I can not internalise this pain. *Alien crowd boos*. And yes, I appear to have outsmarted the alien biz. And now their show is losing money, ’cause Buddha’s teachings are spreading like wildfire. Ha. No. Truthfully, I am still playing this game show. The only difference now, is that I have found the loophole. That doesn’t mean I don’t keep tripping up and getting hit by voodoo doll-induced mental breakdowns. I guess every day is a battle. A battle not against aliens, but against yourself. This is going to be such a cheesy end to the post, but don’t focus on how many times shit has happened to you today, this week, this month, or this year. Dwell on it slightly. Accept it. Learn from it. And then return to the now.
And consistent with this terrible analogy, aliens will be messing with you every day of your life. So what? Let them mess with you. Recognise how temporary feelings are. And just enjoy the moment. You owe that to you. And also fuck aliens.